I’ve recently moved back in with my parents for the short term while I find a flat (like most people this pandemic screwed me over on the job and housing front) which has understandably made me a little nostalgic. This is the house I did most of my growing up in and there’s a fair few photographs dotted around that inevitably send my mind back in time and the whole thing got me thinking about how writing has been interwoven throughout my life.
In primary school Fridays were predominantly ‘Story Writing Day’ and, without a doubt, I thought it was the best day of the week because it gave me a chance to let loose. Sometimes we were given a title we had to use, an object to incorporate or even a sentence we had to begin the story with and I always loved the challenge. One of my fondest memories was aged nine when the teacher had selected three of us to read our stories aloud to the rest of the class and I had been selected as a Chosen One. Admittedly, the teacher said that I had used way too much dialogue but she thought it was a really funny story and my classmates would love it. I remember desperately waiting for my turn and when it came I gave it all the gusto I could manage and not one of the fuckers laughed. Every line I read I thought ‘This is it. This is BOUND to get a giggle,’ but apparently my teacher was incorrect and I was met with silence and the death stare of twenty odd nine year olds waiting for playtime. Despite that near traumatising experience I still loved writing and found myself writing stories and poems at home. The poems in particular were a big hit with my grandparents (they thought I was funny) and I’d churn out a few stanzas as often as I could. Each one of these poems was put in a 90’s style ring binder and my grandparents never threw it out. I vividly remember them showing the poems to my great aunt and uncle, which obviously made me feel very proud, but I was also slightly concerned about the mugs of tea in their hands and their proximity to my masterpieces. Thankfully, they remain undamaged to this day. Once I reached secondary school creative writing wasn’t as big a feature in our learning but I do remember one standout moment when I was in Year 8 and we had to pretend to be soldiers in WWI writing letters home from the trenches (an old favourite in UK secondary schools.) I felt totally unprepared for this task in all honesty due to the fact that this was an English class so we hadn’t done a lot of research into the history of the period. I had no idea what actually went on in a trench; what did they eat? How did they speak to each other? Why had they signed up to fight in the first place? Therefore, when it came to writing the letter I kept it quite simple because I thought if I was a soldier on the front line I wouldn’t be using similes and metaphors, I would be straight to the point and telling my mum that hopefully I’d be home soon. However, it looked like the whole class took this approach because the teacher was furious and made us all rewrite it. I went all in on the similes and metaphors the second time round, so much so that I was pretty sure no one would ever write like that in real life. Anyway, the teacher read it once I finished and loved it so I felt reassured that I had somewhat of a talent for writing and I suppose the whole incident just meant that I understood the importance of character and voice. However, my most treasured writing memory of my younger years has to be when I came second in a writing competition for Newport University (as it was then) aged eighteen. My English Literature teachers had told my class about it and it was about this time that I thought maybe writing was a bigger passion of mine than I had previously realised so I decided to submit a short story I had been working on. You could choose from three titles and the story I had was already leaning towards to one of the titles so it didn’t take too much to adapt. I thought no more of it and submitted it assuming I wouldn’t hear anything, the submission guidelines even stated that you shouldn’t enter if you couldn’t attend the awards ceremony which also happened to be the date of my A Level Drama exam but I did it anyway. Then one day I came home from school to read an email stating that I’d come second and won a little money too, I can’t remember the amount but any money at that age is treasure isn’t it? It’s been almost eleven years since the competition and it still makes me smile when I think about it because it was the first time people I didn’t know had read my work and enjoyed it. It’s a feeling I will never forget or take for granted for as long as I am lucky enough to experience it.
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No it's not Shady, it's me. Sorry. And when I say 'back' I just mean that I've started blogging again, which isn't that dramatic really.
Anyway, a lot has happened since my last post (which you'd like to hope as it's been five years!) and so blogging and website management has definitely been put on the back burner. Not only have I undertaken three 'grown up' jobs but I've moved house a few times, been on some brilliant holidays, made so many new friends and generally just had a bit more of a life than I did five years ago. I could give you more details but some parts are quite depressing and who actually has the time? I also wrote a new book, that seems like something I should mention. The last time I wrote a post I had finished my first book, Enkindled, and was trying to convince an agent to take it on, which in truth I wasn't ready for. But while I was doing that I also had an idea for a new book that just wouldn't go away. I'd actually had it for years, I think it was even on my mind before Enkindled but I chose to ignore it, and slowly I found that characters and plots were forming so I had to write it down. While I was undertaking an internship five years ago I managed to write this book and, again, I was young and naive and tried to shop it around when it wasn't ready. But even though I've dipped in and out of rewriting and editing it as my life has moved on, it's never gone away and now I'm finally confident enough in it for the world to (hopefully) read it. Of course, I'm still worried that it sucks and everyone will hate it. I'm worried about the trolls that now exist and I'm worried that people I love will read it and have to lie to my face, pretending it's good when it's actually bloody awful. But that's the risk you have to take, I suppose. This time my aim is to self-publish it. My dream is still to have a book on the shelves of Waterstones and hopefully this may be the start of that journey but actually what I really want is this story that I've had in my head for years to finally be out in the world and I'm really excited about it! I just need some proof readers and a front cover and I'm good to go (eeek!) So please do watch this space and I will try my very best to be the entertaining, witty and endearing person that I like to believe I am in real life. This title is slightly misleading as it may suggest that only ten books have ever had an affect on me, which is simply not true. Every book I read has some sort of affect on me whether it's annoyance, joy or terror.
The reason I bring this up is because I was nominated by a friend to post ten books on Facebook that have affected me at some point in my life. I don't usually do this sort of thing but I'ma huge advocate for sharing our opinions on books, getting people reading and, to be honest, I am actually quite interested to see what books have had an affect on other people! Like any avid reader, choosing ten books out of my entire life was difficult and I'm sure this list could change at any moment but when I wrote it earlier these were the ones that stuck out in my mind for one reason or another. So, in no particular order.... 1. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl Okay, so this one is always going to be number one for me because it was the first novel I ever read by myself. Without speaking out loud. This was a big achievement for my seven year old self (I think I was seven, maybe I was eight) and I instantly fell in love with Dahl's story telling. As soon as I finished the book I was desperate to get my hands on another, resulting in a life long love affair with books. 2. The Harry Potter series by J.K Rowling I dare you to find a child who has read these books who is completely ambivalent towards them. It's impossible. Just waiting for these books to be published was a time full of emotion as I, like millions of other children, couldn't handle the anticipation or excitement that came with the waiting. Rowling had created such an immersive and unique world that I'm pretty sure this is where my love of fantasy truly began. 3. The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins Admittedly, I was a little older than the target audience when I read these books but, despite being classed as YA novels, plenty of adults place them among their all time favourites. After finishing Mockingjay , I experienced a book hangover like no other. I truly didn't know what to do with myself. I tried reading other books in the same genre and they just didn't compete, which came as a huge surprise to me as, in all honesty, I wasn't expecting a great deal from the books. 4. 1984 by George Orwell Again, who could possibly read this book and not be affected by it?! Until I read this book, every story I had read until then had had a happy ending or at least a satisfying ending. But not with this one. The characters were truly trapped in a way I had never experienced before and by the time I finished it I just wanted to hide the book in a dark place and never read it again. 5. One Day by David Nicholls This may come as a surprise considering the books that seem to affect me most are either dystopias or those in the fantasy genre. However, I don't think I have ever related to a character as much as I have related to Emma in this book. I always find characters that I like in books but it's very rare that I actually feel like a writer has captured some part of me in his or her work and at some points I feel like Mr. Nicholls has momentarily popped inside my head and stolen a few of my thoughts and feelings without me knowing. 6. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini I had to read this as part of my AS Level English Literature course and this was the first time that I'd read anything with obvious political statements. I was still at that time where I was teetering between YA novels and dipping in to more grown up stories. In a similar way to 1984, I couldn't quite get my head around how difficult it was for these characters to break out of their situations and this terrified me. These events were set in recent times and I don't think a book had ever really forced me to think about political issues in the same way that this one did. 7. Station Eleven by Emily St. John MandelThis is one of the most recent books I've read (and you can see my views on it here) so I feel that it's quite a feat for it to end up on this list. Unlike other dystopian books I've read, this one feels the most real and likely to happen. The story shifts between days before civilization falls and twenty years later, highlighting just how much we're set to lose if we're not careful. I've always been a bit terrified about how much we rely on technology (especially myself, I always find myself on the verge of tears if it looks like my laptop has died) and this book has captured all of those fears within its pages and more. 8. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood I feel that as someone who wants to write I should always be looking for books with captivating sentences and carefully selected words but I always end up picking something with a story that appeals to me instead. I know I should be more in to literary fiction but I'm not. However, Atwood is a true master of both of these aspects of story telling and in this book she provides a unique story with cleverly manipulated words that implore you to read on. This book hit me from the start and even thinking about it now brings back the chills that the story initially gave me. 9. Noughts and Crosses by Malorie Blackman I know I said that my first experience with real life politics was with A Thousand Splendid Suns but really it was with this book, it was just made a lot easier for teenage me to understand. So many ideas are packed in to this story and from start to finish I was an emotional wreck. I vividly remember finishing this book in the back of my parents' car on a sunny afternoon and having no idea what to do with myself. The whole family was trying to figure out how to get to this certain pub and all I wanted to do was scream "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S JUST HAPPENED! HOW CAN YOU BE SO IGNORANT RIGHT NOW?!" 10. The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger This was also one of the first 'grown up' books I read as a late teenager and I fell in love with it straight away. The relationships between all of the characters, not just Claire and Henry, were fascinating and heart breaking in equal measure and Niffenegger's incredible structure introduced me to a whole new way of story telling. I was completely entranced by these people and the idea that they knew that their lives were always going to be intertwined but they fully embraced it. I defy anyone with a heart not to love this book. So those are my ten (for now, it will no doubt change in a week or two) and I've found that it's been almost therapeutic to talk about them. But, then again, books are meant to push our emotions and question the world and so it's imperative that we talk about them. Therefore, I would love to hear what books you would put on your list (like I said, I' a bit nosey when it comes to people's book preferences!) I don't know many writers and those that I do know are yet to be published or have their work widely known. However, I do know that we all have different approaches to writing and yet we all feel the unique and consuming pressure that writing brings. Even when you're not a world renowned author or even have the slightest inclination for other people to read your work, I can guarantee that if you enjoy writing you constantly feel pressure over the words you select and the story you choose to tell.
Whilst writing Enkindled I was constantly asking myself if a certain plot was the right way to go or if my character should look a certain way to represent a certain group of people or even if I should go against the grain entirely just for the sake of it. And don't even get me started on choosing characters' names! I have always known that I have had this tendency to question everything I do but when I began writing my latest book, an idea that I'd had for years and seemed unable to escape, I was shocked to learn that I could actually write instinctively. I only had the smallest of ideas to begin with, which is a scary thing in itself as there are so many avenues you can go down when you only have the bare bones of a concept, but as I began to think of characters, settings and plots I found that rather than questioning myself I just wrote what felt right. Of course, I still question plots and characters (especially their bloody names) but what writer with any worth doesn't do that? However, as the plot has grown and threatens to become its own, ever evolving monster, I have thoroughly enjoyed just going with whatever I think suits the story. The problem with fantasy is that it is such an established genre with its own rules and worlds that it's difficult to create a unique story that still appeals to those that like to get lost in that universe. I think the answer to this dilemma is to just forget about the people who might read it and focus on the person who is definitely going to read it: myself. I like the world I'm creating, the characters I'm falling in love with and a story that seems to be taking on its own life without much help from me. I'm excited to see where it goes and, even though I've planned the whole thing, as soon as I start typing away just a single line of dialogue or description can make me think about the entire plot in a new way. Writing instinctively may be risky in that I'm not sticking to a tried and tested formula or even a rigid plan but writing something that I'm not completely happy with (or at least mostly happy with, who is ever completely happy with their work?!) will be a reward in itself. I still like Enkindled but when an idea takes over and demands to be written what else can you do but just go with your gut? Things are quite exciting for me at the moment as I've managed to land myself a very nice job and so I have to move away from my childhood home once again. With this comes the inevitable task of packing, which always seems to coincide with me finally realising that I need to throw away a lot of things that for years I have convinced myself I still need. Yes, my name is Ellie Rees and I'm a hoarder. A book hoarder in particular.
Like most people who love books the idea of throwing them out feels like a crime and so the only other option I have is to either sell them or give them to charity. Either way, I have to part with them and its one of the toughest break ups you can go through. If I had my way I would have kept every single book I've ever owned in an underground library but it's very hard to find houses with that kind of special feature and my mum would only turn in to a lounge, anyway. However, I've been going through a lot of the books that I had as a teen today just to double check that I was certain about giving them away. I haven't read them for years but books like Louise Rennison's Georgia Nicholls series and numerous Jacqueline Wilson books were staples for me growing up and I re-read them numerous times. I understand how many people like me would want to hold on to them no matter what, convince themselves that they'll give them to their children one day or even read the books themselves. But I've realised that as much as I want a massive underground library one day, passing on a story is something very special and unique. It's not like giving someone a piece of jewelry; a book has the potential to change how someone thinks or views the world and, quite often, the reason we can't part with a book is because it has affected us so much. So I've given myself a rule; if I think about giving the book away and too many memories come flooding back or the idea truly upsets me, then I keep it BUT if I feel that I can give the book away, hoping that someone else will gain something from it, then I put it in the charity bag. Some books like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the first novel I ever read) or Harry Potter (the book that affirmed my love of reading) or One Day (a book with a character that I identified with like no other) I know that I couldn't give away even though I could quite easily buy another copy. Your copy of a book that influenced you so much is always going to be tied up with those emotions unlike the crisp copies you'll see in Waterstones. And I think that's great, books are all about emotions, but if you can bring yourself to part with a good book, even if it's just to lend it to someone, who knows what you'll be sparking. Otherwise I suggest an e-reader, they're easier to store and no one will expect you to lend them your copy of a book. Every once in a while a book comes along and totally blows you away. This is that book.
Station Eleven isn't out until September but I was lucky enough to get a copy due to a work placement I had with Pan Macmillan a month ago. However, I couldn't wait until then to talk about it and think that everyone who reads this blog should pre-order it right now! The plot of the book focuses on several characters and their relationships before and after a deadly disease called the Georgia Flu wipes out 99% of the human population. I know that dystopian novels aren't exactly hard to come by these days but I promise you that this is in a different league. That's not to say that I don't love those kind of stories (Hunger Games fangirls represent) but I like the approach that Mandel has taken with this book in that it focuses on a set of people rather than the problem at large, which is that civilization has collapsed and there's no way of rebuilding it. The concept is terrifying; there is no electricity, no phones, no cars and very few people to try and fix the problem. The only thing that these characters can do is live and try not to kill or be killed along the way. A common phrase used throughout the book is a quote from Star Trek: "Survival is inefficient," which leads us on to the Travelling Symphony. The Symphony are a group of people that travel through a deserted North America performing Shakespeare plays to anyone who is happy to welcome them in to their so called town. Considering that most of the population now live in disused fast food restaurants, the word "town" is probably an exaggeration. These characters are the crux of the book and it is through them that we see what life has now become for those that have survived. There seems to be nothing to live for but their audiences relish their visits and Mandel elegantly points out that if and when the end of the world does happen what is it that we're going to cling to? Our "stuff" or the people around us? There's also a rather questionable character called the prophet who is the perfect creepy character but I'm not going to say anymore about him because he's too important to the book and I don't want to ruin it for you! Much like Margret Atwood, Mandel has left the dramatics and fight for civilization to other authors and the big Hollywood blockbusters, which are often referenced in the book in the hope of making the characters feel better but this seldom works. She has examined what it means to survive in a world where technology and the ease that it brings to our lives is so natural that even the idea of being without it terrifies us. Every sentence in this book is gripping and thought provoking and even if you're not a sci-fi loving, dystopian genre addicted reader you will still thoroughly enjoy it and, hopefully, be desperate to pass it on! The blurb of this book may have you believe that you are about to enter in to a sexy murder mystery set in San Fransisco during the smallpox epidemic in 1876 where tensions are high and morals are low. However, as much as I liked the plot I feel that the mystery behind the murder comes second to the character studies that Donoghue conducts throughout the book. Usually I would prefer a murder mystery to be filled with twists and turns but I thoroughly enjoyed this approach, which is probably mainly down to the story being based on a real-life murder, and thought that all of the characters painted in this book were intriguing and infuriating in equal measure.
The main character is Blanche Beunon, a French burlesque dancer living and working in San Fransisco with her lover, Arthur, and his best friend, Ernest. Blanche is happy enough performing at the city's most infamous brothel night after night to adoring fans and taking home some extra post-show money (nudge nudge, wink wink) until one evening she is literally knocked over by a woman wearing men's clothes who is riding a high wheeler. This is Miss Jenny Bonnet and, unfortunately, the person at the centre of the murder (this isn't a spoiler, she gets killed about two pages in!) Jenny is a whirlwind and completely turns Blanche's life upside down, forcing her to ask herself questions that she has been avoiding for a very long time. The story flits between the month before the murder and the days after it, which means that the plot is constantly moving and we aren't bogged down by the characters' back stories as they are neatly interwoven in to the narrative and become important to the events surrounding the murder. As I mentioned, I think that the characters in this book are great, even the ones I despise, because they have been so well formed that at points I wanted to jump into the book and strangle them for the way they behave. I believe this shows just how good a writer Donoghue is. Jenny is without doubt my favourite character in this book; she marches to the beat of her own drum in a time when simply wearing men's trousers can land you in jail. She isn't afraid to speak her mind and do as she pleases, which is why it is so sad that things turn out the way they do. I really wish I could discuss the story more because I think that Donoghue is not only presenting us with a whodunnit but also a commentary on how women found it impossible to escape the roles they were forced in to, even when they realise they have done wrong and try to rectify the situation. But if I did that I would be spoiling a splendid book for you all so please pick up a copy and then we can talk and dissect it to our heart's content! If any of you have ever Googled writing tips for aspiring authors you will probably read on every list that pops up that you should write, no matter for how short a period of time, every day.
I'm not saying this is bad advice at all, it's brilliant. Athletes, dancers, footballers, bodybuilders and so much more usually train six days a week as minimum in order to perfect their technique and writers can definitely do the same if they want to improve on their command of language. However, does every aspiring author have the time for this? I've been feeling quite guilty lately as I've been doing a lot of shifts in the hotel where I work and a few of them have involved five am starts, which means that by the time I finish at three o'clock I can just about drive home and lie down on the sofa. Therefore, not only am I physically exhausted but after a full day of being nice to customers and catering to their every need my brain just needs to shut down and chill, it's not really in the mood to develop characters and plot lines. I'm sure that there are a lot of would-be writers in the same position as me; we'd love to spend our time writing and writing but we need to earn money or put the washing on or anything else that daily life throws at you. Finding the time to sit down without any distractions and let your imagination run wild can be difficult and when you do find that time it can often feel very contrived and pressurised if you've waited so long for it. Therefore, you're not exactly at your optimum creativity level. That being said, I can see the argument by those people who think that if you're determined to become a writer, like those people who wake up at silly o'clock in the morning to get down to the track or jump in the pool, you should make time to practice your craft and continue to do so until you decide it's no longer for you. Like anything in life, you won't get better at something or achieve your goals if you don't even attempt to make time for it. At the moment I'm very busy with my current job whilst looking for a full time role that uses my degree, which can be a job in itself. I adore writing and treasure whatever time I can spare to do it but I have to be realistic and, right now, I need to build a career until an agent realises that they simply cannot let Enkindled out of their clutches. Finding the balance is hard but I'm not going to stop and if I can fit in ten minutes here and there of writing or even come up with a new idea for a story on my lunch break I'll be more than happy. I read this book a little while a go but I don't think that enough people know about it so I thought I'd just pop it on my blog and share a few of my thoughts with you.
Like the majority of my favourite books this one has a fantasy element to it in the form of magic, wizards, vampires and the rivers of London actually being real life "people". As well as this awesome mixture of fantastical beings the book is set in London, my spiritual home and one of the best cities in the world. So, all in all, it has pretty much everything I could ever want from a story. Peter Grant is a PC in the Metropolitan Police and desperate to play with the big boys, despite not noticing the vital clues that make up a crime scene and could potentially solve the case. One night he is helping out on a case in Covent Garden and meets a ghost, as you do, and is soon introduced to the hidden magical world of the city and the secret branch of the Met that no one knows about. Grant is soon thrown in to numerous cases that have a magical influence over them and must learn not only to deal with these cases properly but also to become a trained wizard himself. I don't want to say much more because the story is a mystery at its heart and the less you know the more you will enjoy it. After all, what's the point in a mystery if you already know the elements that make it up? The narration and dialogue are naturally witty, not a single line seems out of place or self indulgent, which makes the book an absolute pleasure to read. In addition to this every single character is unique and intriguing in their own way, particularly DCI Nightingale who is Grant's mentor throughout and doesn't seem to understand the modern world in which he currently lives. What I liked most about this book is that despite it being place din the fantasy genre it doesn't forget its setting. The way the characters speak to each other and the reactions that they have to the ridiculous situations that they find themselves in are exactly how you would expect normal people, never mind Londoners, to react. There is no flowery language or an attempt to be the next King Arthur, these are just a couple of police officers trying to settle a few magical disputes across London. I mean, really, what more could you want from a book? Absolutely everyone on the planet, particularly the British population, has a visit from The Doubt Monster. It is a grey, messy beast that feeds off your knock backs in life and excretes uncertainty all over your brain until you're not even sure if that cup of tea you just drank was a good idea. Coincidentally, I did just drink a cup of tea and it was a good idea.
Like most writers my book has been rejected by a few agencies by now, which wasn't a huge surprise by any means, and my quest to find a job that makes me feel like I have some purpose in life is proving futile in the extreme. I just don't know what to do or to feel to be perfectly honest. In terms of my book, The Doubt Monster is rampant in its hunger to put me off selling it to more book agencies. "Are you sure this is good enough?" It asks, "Do you really think you're meant to be a writer? Maybe you should try something else, although that might fail, too." All in all, I've been asking myself a lot of questions recently about my book and whether I should make some serious changes to the plot and characters or even if I should continue to try and get it published. Rejection is par for the course when it comes to writing, I know that. But when it feels like everything you have applied for over the past six months, both jobs and agents, has been with energy and vigor and is basically amounting to nothing it's hard not to feel a little down. In my heart of hearts I still adore my idea for Enkindled and I just hope that there is one person out there who is willing to take a chance on it. I'm always open to developing and changing its concept, providing that I approve of the suggestions, and so I know that I have to keep telling myself not to give up. I do have other ideas I wish to explore, as mentioned in a previous post, and there is one that I'm giving some serious thought to as writing as a book. Although this feels like I might be giving up on Enkindled, I know that I have to get it written down and who knows what will come of that? It might turn out to be rubbish, it could be my best work yet but it could also inspire new ways to approach Enkindled. Everyone has their down moments in life, particularly those of us who consider ourselves to be creative types, but, for me, I think the best way to fend off The Doubt Monster for as long as possible is to just keep writing about the things that I love. I know that I want to be a published writer more than anything and the only way that can happen is if I write something, stopping now when I'm just getting started would be a resounding victory for The Doubt Monster and we just can't have that. |
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